Encouraging Your Children to Read the Bible: 6 Options for Any Age

As Christians we are people of the Book. And as my children grow, one regular habit I want to cultivate in them is Bible reading. We often read the Bible together at dinner time, as well as talk about what we learn at church. The number one way to encourage your kids to read God's Word is to model it yourself. If you are able, do your Bible reading is such a way that they see you doing it regularly. In my case this doesn't work so well, because I get up early and part of my morning routine is reading the Bible. So I make sure that I mention what I read, or casually remind them every once in awhile that I read the Bible in the early mornings.

This year I have decided to challenge each of my kids to read the Bible. The common challenge to read the whole Bible can be daunting for adults, much less kids. I think that is a challenge that we can work up to. So I spent some time over the last few days to create Bible reading plans for each of my kids. Choose the option that best works for your child, but remember – they will develop this holy habit most effectively by seeing you do it.

Plan 1: Pre-Readers and Early Readers

My children were introduced to Bible stories first by me reading them. In this regard, I'd recommend Eugene Peterson's My First Message as well as the Jesus StoryBook Bible.

Plan 2: Young Readers

The Action Bible has been one of our best investments. Illustrated by a former comic illustrator, even I like looking at the pictures. This Bible is heavy on the visuals, but touches on most of the major stories. While my daughter never took to it, both my boys devoured it.

Plan 3: Bible Stories Reading Plan

This is the plan that I have challenged my two youngest children with this year. It goes beyond the previous options which are retellings of the Bible, and now encourages them to read the actual Bible on their own. I have chosen 110 stories from the Bible, with a few sections also covering some of Jesus' teaching and parables. Here is the PDF of this plan.

Plan 4: The Bible StoryLine Reading Plan

If you know your Bible, you know that a huge chunk of it is poetry as well as prophetic oracles. But children (well really, all of us) are especially drawn to stories. My oldest son is a reader, and I wanted to challenge him with something close to a chapter a day. This plan is just shy of that, so that if they miss a day here and there they will not be off track. I'm doing this plan with him this year, and I have enjoyed already the discussion we've had on the chapters. This plan goes through the entire story line of the Bible, with a focus almost entirely on narrative. Here is the PDF of this plan. If you would like to add a little more challenge, encourage your child to also read one psalm per day, and after that one chapter of Proverbs.

As your child (or yourself) begins to read whole books of the Bible (or almost whole books) with this plan, I'd highly encourage you to show them the awesome videos created by The Bible Project. This is a huge project and not every book of the Bible yet has a video, but the ones that are there are top notch. There is nothing else comparable, in my opinion, to these videos. Before your child begins reading a new book of the Bible, watch the video on that book with them first, so that they can see the overall picture of that book.

Plan 5: The New Testament

A good challenge, particularly I think for teenagers and up, is to read the New Testament. There are 260 chapters in the NT, so reading 1 chapter per weekday is more than doable. Encourage them to also take time to read the study notes from their Bible, and again I'd encourage watching The Bible Project videos that correspond to each book.

Plan 6: The Entire Bible

This takes commitment, but is of course well worth it. Before challenging anyone to this, the person really needs to recognize how much reading does need to be done per day, and make a plan for consistent reading. There are numerous options for doing this, with a popular one being a one year Bible like this one. Another option is to turn to our friends again at The Bible Project. They too have a reading plan for the whole Bible that you can find on their Tumblr page. As before, I highly recommend their videos. But I would also HIGHLY recommend a book called How to Read the Bible Book by Book. Only a few pages per book, this reading makes an excellent introduction to each book of the Bible before you read it. I teach the Bible Survey course at ADC, and this along with the Bible is the textbook.

Honorable Mentions

There are some great Bible apps for kids, and 1 in particular is worth mentioning because it is free. It is put out by LifeChurch.tv, and is called Bible for Kids. My daughter loves this app, as it is highly interactive. The other honorable mention is for those who may have read the Bible through before and are looking for a new way to do it – through an audio Bible. In this regard, the Inspired By audio Bible is fantastic. Read by actors, and well produced. I listen to this quite regularly.

Do you know of other good reading plans? Let me know in the comments.

photo credit: A little boy reads a big book with river at background via photopin (license)

Don't Spare the Rod! Recovering The Biblical Perspective on Disciplining Your Children

In this post, I want to talk about recovering the biblical mandate for proper discipline of children. Having 3 children of my own, I see a lot of parents interacting with children. Some of what I see is great, some isn't. In my own parenting, I see some that is good and some not so good. Too many children, it seems to me, are very much lacking in discipline.

The phrase "Spare the rod, spoil the child" is often thought to be a proverb from the Bible, but it actually comes from a guy named Samuel Butler in a 1662 poem. However, it is clearly built upon Proverbs 13:24: "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him." A number of other Proverbs are cited when talking about this issue as well. See Proverbs 19:18, Proverbs 22:15, Proverbs 29:15, and especially Proverbs 23:13-14 (though this one is better translated as "servant" or "young man," not child).

The Biblical Rod

To gain a clear perspective on what the Bible teaches, it is necessary to take a look at the word "rod" in the Hebrew, šēbeṭ (kind of pronounced like shave it). It occurs 190 times in the Old Testament, and depending on the context can mean numerous things:

• Most frequently it actually means "tribe." This usage is wholly different from the "rod" scenario encountered in Proverbs.

• The next most numerous is a "(thin) rod" typically made of metal or wood and was a small instrument used for beating seed, and also at times as an instrument to hit (see Exodus 21:20). This rod was something many would carry around as a tool to do many things.

• The word could be used more specifically to mean a weapon of some sort, like "javelin," "club," or "mace." In these instances, it was often still translated as rod.

• The word could also mean "scepter." This was more ornamental and ceremonial. It was a sign of authority and rulership.

• The final usage is "shepherd staff" or "shepherd crook."

Removing "tribe" from the discussion, we can break down the way the word was used based upon the contexts it was used:

1. Rod — In the case of some sort of work being done Eg. Isaiah 28:27. In the particular case of Exodus 21:20, it was used to punish a slave (considered a person's property).

2. Scepter — In the case of ceremony or ruling. Eg. Genesis 49:10.

3. Club/Mace — In the context of battle, war, or fighting (typically still translated as "Rod" in the Old Testament). Eg. Proverbs 22:8, Isaiah 30:31, Isaiah 11:4.

4. Shepherd Staff/Crook — In the context of shepherding. Eg. Leviticus 27:32, Micah 7:14.

The question that remains, then, is under what circumstances a verse like Proverbs 13:24 is using the word "rod." The two most viable options in my opinion is: 1) the rod used as an instrument of work, with common rods often used for beating slaves, or 2) the shepherd's rod (i.e. a crook). Although obviously parents who use spanking as discipline wouldn't consider it "beating," understanding "rod" in this manner from a context like Proverbs 13:24 would best equate to the usage of the common rod for hitting a slave. However, I believe the better understanding is that of the shepherd's rod.

The Traditional Understanding

This is where I diverge from what has been the common understanding in the church for a long while. This Proverb (and the later version of it by Samuel Butler) has been the base upon which we have justified the physical punishment of children (typically spanking). In fact, I will be up front with you that this was my view up until only 2 or 3 years ago. But I no longer think that is the correct way to view this verse, nor does it jive with the whole of scripture (see below). There is a growing body of literature on the subject of physical correction that says that spanking and hitting are not nearly as effective in disciplining children as boundaries and logical consequences (just Google it, there is lots). Furthermore, it often ends up hard for parents to NOT spank when emotions are running high. This ends up sending the wrong message too and can end up being emotionally scarring for children.

My own change of opinion on this subject came from this type of research, from the biblical view of shepherding (see below), and from my increasing recognition that too many children today (including my own) are growing up both feeling entitled and not actually given logical consequences. But life is largely about the consequences to our actions (good and bad). If my goal is not to raise great kids, but to raise kids to be great adults, then that means I need to prepare them for life. Unless they grow up to be in some sort of dangerous profession, being physically hit is never going to be a logical consequence that they will face in life. So why, during this time of preparing and molding them to be great adults, would I choose such an unrealistic consequence that isn't even that effective? Perhaps some of the reasons parents spank are: 1) tradition [like being taught that it is biblical), 2) it is the only way they know to discipline, or 3) it happened to them and they turned out okay. But I've hopefully shown that this is not actually the best understanding of the Bible. And logical consequences is a much better teacher. Finally, for those to whom spanking was the norm and they turned out okay, I don't think that it was actually the spanking that made you okay (if you are indeed okay). It was, rather, the character of your parents and the myriad of other things they did to prepare you for life. Think long and hard — if you were to pull spanking out of your past (replacing it with some other discipline) would you be a lesser person than you are today? I doubt it.

Parents as Shepherds

So if you're still not convinced, indulge me for a moment to consider if the shepherding motif is the better option for parents today. Shepherding was/is about the care, supervision, and leading of the flock from one place to another. The Bible uses numerous metaphors to describe the relationship between God and his people: parent/child, shepherd/sheep, husband/wife, master/slave. Of these metaphors, the first two are by far the most dominant. This does not change in the New Testament, as Jesus calls himself the Good Shepherd too, and the master/slave motif is largely confined to Paul, who often uses it to juxtapose the reality of being slaves to sin and to the law. Shepherding imagery was a very natural thing for the Biblical authors to use given the society of the early Israelites. The Bible also uses this imagery to describe the religious leaders of the Israelite nation. Given the dominance of this metaphor, and given the Christian desire to be image-bearers of Christ, it would seem logical that we model our parenting upon the model of God/Jesus himself, the good shepherd.

To reiterate, we should not spare the rod from our children. But in proper biblical context, this now looks much different than has been traditionally assumed:

1. The rod was constantly in the shepherd's hand as he walked in front of the sheep and led the way. Sheep have a wide field of vision that is better on the periphery than directly ahead (part of the reason they wander off). The shepherd stayed close. And when the sheep started to follow the other sheep around them, this usually led to trouble.

2. The rod corrected the course for the sheep. Because the sheep were distracted by the things they saw in their periphery, they quite often wandered from the pack, or could very casually veer from the group. The shepherd's rod was used to push and guide them back into the way they were supposed to go. Striking the sheep would actually be counter-intuitive, as it may slow down the animal, or make it wary of the shepherd.

3. To remove from harm or corral stubborn sheep. The nicer shepherd's crook would have the circular hook around the top. This was used in the case of extreme danger to hook around the head and pull, or in the case of a stubborn sheep, to get them where they needed to go. This was the more extreme kind of course correction.

4. As a weapon against predators. The rod did indeed become a weapon, but it was not to hit the sheep, but rather to hit the wolves and mountain lions that threatened the sheep.

5. As an extension of the hand. The reason rod's were carried so often was as a general instrument and extension of the hand. In the case of the shepherd, it was sometimes used to lift and carry a sheep, or to push back the wool to examine the skin for injury.

I'm hoping that by now you see how wonderfully this imagery that the Bible uses can apply to parents and can provide us with a biblical model for not sparing the rod:

1. We lead our children by teaching and modeling the behaviors and values we expect. If you want to see or change an attitude, action, or behavior in your child, change it in yourself. Explain the expectations you have of them, telling them why. And, like the sheep in the front of the pack who gets to the feeding trough first, catch your kids doing right and affirm it. Furthermore, the parents as the primary care-givers need to also be the primary influencers. We have made the mistake that thinking kids need more time with friends, to the point that we think teens "need their space." But it is adults, those who have become wise with age and experience, who should be the primary influencers through the entire journey to adulthood.

2. We correct the course. Stay firm with your kids and stick to the boundaries you set. The phenomena of parents giving empty threats, not following through, and not actually meaning what they say seems to be an epidemic. Children have learned to get just what they want via whining, tantrums, crying, or just ignoring. Parents are supposed to be the ones in charge. But real life is filled with consequences, both good and bad. Your children's bosses and teachers will all keep their word. Instead of physical correction, we discipline by giving natural consequences — just like life.

3. We keep a watchful eye. Parents watch and encourage and teach their children how not to stray. The shepherd couldn't form a permanent moving fence around the sheep as they walked in order to always keep them safe, but neither did they leave them alone for long, especially in places of potential danger. Parents shouldn't shield their children from everything, that doesn't prepare them for life. But there are places and situations that need your direct intervention and clear boundaries, otherwise children will be going in the wrong direction, perhaps following along behind the other strays. The most practical example today, I think, is the amount of online and screen time kids have today. Kids are losing their imagination and their ability to interact with live people because of over-consumption.

4. We protect. Every situation is different, but it is a universal that children need protection from something. Sometimes it is protection from a bully. Sometimes it is protection from bad friends. Sometimes it is protection from their own poor choices. Sometimes it is protection from garbage on the internet. Whatever it is, have your rod in hand, ready to protect.

5. We make parenting an everything and everyday process. Jesus' 12 disciples learned what he taught and eventually learned to be like him by hanging out with him for 3 years. They ate with him, ministered with him, traveled with him. To discipline a child is to mold a disciple. Your children are to be your disciples, learning from your everyday walk how to live, how to act, how to treat others, how to treat themselves. It is both a blessing and a curse that the majority of what my kids learn from me is not from the lectures I give but the everyday simple choices I live out. "Do as I say but not as I do" is a command that children simply cannot and will not follow — and they shouldn't have to.

I want to end by echoing the mantra of pro-spankers — spared the rod, spoil the child. Unfortunately, what it means to spare the rod has been misunderstood, and I hope this post has helped to recover the biblical understanding of disciplining our children. A (very) paraphrased translation of Proverbs 13:24 would be "to withhold your leadership and any consequences would be spoiling your child."  It was not about physical punishment. The use of the shepherd's rod actually represented much MORE responsibility of the rod-bearer. Parents have actually let themselves off the hook by assuming it was just about physical punishment. As you aim to raise kids to be great adults, do not spare the shepherd's rod.

photo credit: Young Shepherd via photopin (license)

My Encouragement & Challenge To Fellow Dads About Being Present

Two weeks back we had our annual Simpson Lectures at Acadia Divinity College. This particular lectureship was more intense and demanding than past events, which resulted in me being very busy from Monday to Wednesday. I saw my children for a few minutes in the morning, and about 15 minutes for each supper time. I really don't like being away that much. And neither do my kids.

It was driven home to me by my oldest son Lex. Lex is an introvert and a homebody. He likes being home. He likes to play on his own. His ideal day is laying on the couch under a blanket reading a good novel, uninterrupted. He is quite often in his own little world. He sometimes can forget to even say hello or good morning. I sometimes wonder if Lex forgets that there are others in the room with him.

So I was struck once again as I quickly picked him up from his after-school lego club to drop him off when he asked me:
"Are you working again tonight?"
"Yes buddy, I'll be gone."
"Oh. Okay."
"Is there something you needed help with or needed to talk about?"
"No, I just like it when you're home."

That was the end of the conversation (we are boys after all). But that has stuck with me. I mentioned it to my wife Maria and she said very simply "all the kids feel that way. They like you home." It reminded me of a story I read in Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters by Meg Meeker. She talks about her own experience with an introverted father, but how she was grounded, safe, secure, and felt loved simply by his consistent presence. They wouldn't talk a lot, but they were together a lot.

Fathers Just Need To Be There

This small encounter with Lex reminded me anew that fathers just need to be there. There are many kids in single-parent homes being raised by just mom (single-moms, you are rockstars!). If dad is in the picture at all, it is sporadic and with no consistency. But there is also a second reality: traditional two-parent families with a dad that is rarely home when he easily could be.

Now, I'm not talking about men who do shift work, or who have a hobby or sport they participate in once a week. I'm talking about men who could be home, but aren't. They are doing things they enjoy, but doing them 4 nights a week. Or perhaps it is hanging out with friends after work for a lot longer than they need to. Perhaps you are having difficulty in your marriage, and so are just avoiding your spouse at the time. Or perhaps you feel inadequate as a parent or dad. You had an idea of what fatherhood was supposed to look like, but your wife does it better than you and you feel a little like a fish out of water.

Whatever your reason might be, you aren't home as much as you could be. Fellow dads, you need to understand - you're kids just need you to be there. I'm often reminded by my wife who jokes about my snoring, but tells me that her father snored. And from her bedroom she could hear him night after night, and it was comforting. You're mere presence at home on a consistent basis (whatever consistency means in your context) is a source of comfort and safety for your children. They want to know that you are there if they need you.

You're Doing Good

Let me encourage you, that if you indeed are home consistently, you are doing good. In fact, you are doing better than many fathers and your children are lucky to have a consistent father in their lives like you.

You may say, though, something that I often say to myself: "when I am home, I'm so busy. There is always something that needs fixing. There are always little tasks to do. There is always chores to be done." Please know, if you feel that way, you are not alone. But please know this too — in the minds and hearts of your children, you are home. They are safe. They feel comfortable. They know you are near and you will drop everything if they urgently need you. This is the gift of presence that so many kids desperately need and that you are providing for your family.

You And I Can Do Better

But you can continue to improve too — to not only be present but also to be engaged. Let me suggest several ways that you can be even more present for your kids:

1. Plan a date with your kids. This may be a monthly, quarterly, bi-annual, or annual thing, depending on your time, resources, and amount of kids. I'm at about a quarterly schedule. This can be as big as going to a movie or hockey game, or as simple as going for a hot chocolate and donut. Your kids will love it. (BUT, this is second in priority to going on dates with your wife).
2. Get them to help. If you are fixing things or doing outdoor chores, get them to help. I try and be especially conscious of this if I can introduce them to a new skill or a new tool. I know it is faster and easier to do it on your own, but these are opportunities to pass skills on to your kids and spend time with them.
3. Wake them up with a book. A few weeks ago I had a (bitter) realization that I had not been reading enough to my youngest daughter. My two oldest boys were close in age and I read to them all of the time when they were young. But as they grew up, we all together ended up reading bigger chapter books. I had one of those hard-to-swallow moments when I realized that I had neglected reading picture books with my daughter - I have missed out on something precious that I can't fully get back. It is something I can never get back, but I can try my best now to make up for it. So for the past month (and I'm not planning on stopping any time soon) I have waken my youngest up 5-10 minutes earlier than normal to read her a book. Did this make a difference? My valentine from her last week said "I love my daddy because he reads to me." Now, I'm not sure I'll ever stop this morning routine :-)  (p.s. this means YOU need to wake up a little earlier too so that you don't throw the morning out of balance)
4. Be engaged. My wife's biggest (legitimate) critique of me is that I'm too often looking at my computer, iPad, or iPhone. This is a big struggle for many people. But you can do better. Make a conscious effort to put your devices somewhere they won't be distracting you so that you can be not only present, but also engaged with those around you.
5. Ask for highs and lows. If you're introverted or struggle to come up with conversation, just ask them each day what the best part of their day was, and what the worst part was, and talk about those. (for more dinner time tips, see my post on the topic) And if you desire even more conversation starters, Focus on the Family made an app for that!
6. Linger at bedtime. This is the tip that I most need to work on in my own life right now. My wife is great at this. You will be amazed how much kids want to talk about when they are supposed to go to bed :-)  While this can sometimes get to be an annoyance, some quick retooling can make this a great connecting time. First, just work a little harder to get them to bed 5 minutes earlier. But once you do tuck them in, instead of trying to cut off their conversation by trying to leave, kneel down beside their bed to talk with them for a few minutes. It doesn't have to be every night, and again there are always other constraints (like having more than one kid). But even if you try and do it once a week, or once a month, it is an additional connection time.
7. Tell them you love them. I tell every one of my kids I love them at least once a day. No matter how little you may see them on a given day, no matter how angry you might be with them, no matter how much you bottle your feelings up, and no matter how introverted you might be: look them right in the eyes and tell them you love them once a day. And accompany it with a hug, high five, or fist bump.

Fellow dads, you and I have the honor and privilege of being one of the primary influences in the life of our kids. Your mere presence is one of the greatest gifts you can give. Keep up the good work of being present, and continually challenge yourself to do even better. Your kids are worth it.

Hermosa Beach - 2593 via photopin (license)

The Lesson I (re)Learned About Critiquing My Child

Just last night, I made a big mistake. My oldest son had worked on a project for a lot of the day and was finally done and ready to head to bed. I took a few minutes to look at his finished work and started making a mental checklist of all the things he needed to correct. I then proceeded, in the nicest manner possible, to point out some of the errors so that he could make his completed assignment even better.

He was devastated.

In my own mind, I was just helping him have a better completed assignment. But, while I was making a mental checklist of the bad, I wasn't making one of the good. And, despite my pleasant manner, I didn't say anything positive. And by the time I recognized how upset he was, adding my words of encouragement and praise didn't matter much anymore. It was one of those times I wondered why God would entrust me with this task of parenthood.

Every parent knows how exceedingly easy it is to be hyper-critical of your own children, but we would rarely speak to another child in this manner. When we are dealing with our children (and our spouses) our sensitivity monitor has usually been turned off. Now here is where the level of my failure really hit me. After some tears, he spoke out the words:

"don't you know that your opinion matters more to me than my teacher's?"

The truth is, I did know that. But his verbalization of this reality hit my heart – I'm still reeling from it as I write this the next morning. In this case, instead of using my influence to build up and encourage, I used that same influence to demotivate and discourage. Thank God that children are so quick to forgive their parents.

I failed yesterday to put into practice what I know in theory. So let me go back in time here and tell you what I should have done, namely, the Correction Sandwich. The Correction Sandwich is pretty simple, and works for pretty much any type of correction or critique:

1. Start with legitimate praise / encouragement
2. Issue the critique
3. Reinforce the praise / encouragement, and emphasize that the criticisms made do not outweigh the good

When looking at my son's work yesterday, I should have been making a mental checklist of everything I appreciated about the work alongside the correction notes. The stuff I liked should have been front and center. He did well on his assignment, so it certainly was not difficult for me to find the praiseworthy portions. Now, when it comes to the critique portion, I personally have a decision to make. My oldest son, like a typical first-born, is already hard on himself. I should have asked him if this was an assignment that needed to also be handed in (it was an assignment for presentation). If it wasn't going to be handed in, then his few minor spelling errors weren't worth mentioning. Another option is I could have said, "I noticed a few small things that could be fixed really quickly. Do you want to know them?" Either way, I should not have led off with my list of corrections. At the end, I should have followed up with some praise once again. Our conversation last night also ended with praise, but it was to a child who was already in the dumps because of me.

Chances are that every parent can relate to this at some level, and I want to encourage you (and remind myself) to be your child's biggest fan. But please don't hear me as saying that you should not critique or correct your children – that is the last thing I'm saying! There are far too many kids/teens/adults who walk around thinking they are better or more important than they actually are. My wife and I are constantly reminding our children that we grow as people by learning from our mistakes. But we always have to point out those mistakes with love, patience, and encouragement. Instead of turning our sensitivity monitor off with our kids, we should be turning it way up because we as parents have the God-given task of forming our children.

photo credit: stephanski via photopin cc

How to Maximize Supper Time with Your Family

One of the things my wife has taught me is the importance of sitting down together as a family for supper. This wasn't easy for me – I grew up watching television during supper. Not only did we have a TV in the kitchen, but sometimes I would just grab my food and sit in the living room. Our family didn't make any concerted effort to sit and converse besides the larger gatherings for holidays. This had some negative consequences for me once I started dating my wife.

Once we started dating, I found myself sitting at a table for supper with my parents-in-law as well as her extended family quite often and I wasn't used to it. I learned then that I wasn't great at engaging in conversation with those I didn't (yet) know very well.

Supper time difficulty continued once we got married. My wife wanted regular supper practice to be sitting at the dinner table, while I wanted to balance our plates on our laps while we watched TV. This took time and adjustment for me.

By the time we had children, I was sold on the importance of sitting together for supper. Especially now that our children are beyond the infant and toddler stage, I think it is doubly important. Too many children today don't know how to carry a conversation, and I'm so happy that my children can carry a conversation and does not take off as soon as they are done.

Below are some points to keep in mind as you work to have a good supper routine:

• Have your children help set the table.
• Clean up after supper as a family. Kids can put (at least their own) dishes in the dishwasher, put condiments away, etc.
• Give thanks to God for your meal.
• Ask each person at the table what the best part of their day was.
• If you need more conversation, ask each person what the least favorite part of their day was, and what they learned from it.
• Normal practice should be for everyone to sit at the table until everyone is done. If children need to do something, they should get in the habit of asking if they can leave the table.
• Mom is the meal-maker in our house. Make sure the children thank mom out loud for their meal at some point. And if you are a dad, lead by example.
• If you are the "conversation co-ordinator" like I am, share something about your day as well. Your children will particularly like to hear about something funny that happened, and they will also value hearing about how you have learned from your mistakes.
• Depending on your family schedule, this may be an ideal time to read the Bible or do a family devotion. I have found this the best time for our family. I am typically done eating first, so as the rest are finishing up, I will begin reading the Bible. Make sure to take some time to discuss what you read. We shouldn't assume that our kids can listen and comprehend everything they are hearing.
• If you need to discuss something as a family, supper time is an ideal time as long as there is no chastisement involved. I have made this mistake of bringing something up at the table that should be a one-on-one conversation.

Do you have any other supper time practices? Tell me about them in the comments.

photo credit: NA.dir via photopin cc

Why We Limit Screen Time For Our Kids

Maria and I try our best to be intentional parents. We think about what we do and why we do it. We don't always get it right, and there are a few places I feel we need to improve. But one place I feel we got it right is in the area of screen time.

We limit screen time more than most parents. By screen time I mean TV/Netflix, movies, Wii, non-game computer usage, games on computer, games on mobile devices. Our kids have screen time on the weekends, and even then it is limited to only a few hours. In addition, we consider just looking at a screen to be screen time for our child - in other words if Jack wants to play Wii, he should not waste a lot of his time just watching Lex play because that counts!

Before I list some of the reasons and benefits of doing this, I'll also state some of the exceptions. When a kid is at home sick or when one or more of the kids get to go out to do something special, the remaining kids usually get screen time (which usually falls on the weekends anyway). The kids all know it works this way and we're happy to let them veg on the couch while nursing a flu. The other exception is if they are with friends - but even then screen time will only be a portion of their play time.

So, here are the reasons we have limited screen time, and why you should consider doing so as well:

• We see changes in behavior if our children get too much screen time, and I see it in other kids too. They often become more whiny and complain more. And a phrase that seems to become a favorite in kids with too much screen time is “this is boring.” I HATE when kids say that.
• There is only so much time in a day (especially school days!). If your children are spending hours on a screen, that is hours NOT doing something else. If you had to choose - wouldn't you rather they be playing outside, playing sports, doing a puzzle, reading, etc.? There's no better way to stifle kids creativity than too much screen time.
• Children are losing the ability to entertain themselves, and are instead continually seeking to be entertained. Don't let that happen to your kids! It is a joy to see that my oldest son Lex (the artsy one) grabs his drawing book or his notebook with the stories he's writing, instead of reaching for a mobile game device. But I know without a doubt that if there was no restriction, he'd be playing video games before and after school. 
• We have gotten to the point in society when we choose screens (games, social media, etc.) over live people around us. I want to teach my kids to value and interact with those around them. I heard a story of what is now a common scenario: a pre-teen or young teen girl's mom bowed to the pressure to get her daughter a smart phone so that she could fit In with her friends who are always on their phones texting others. What a shame that kids can’t just enjoy the friends that are around them!
• Many kids are lacking in the ability to carry on sustained conversations with their peers or older people. I'm proud that my kids can carry a conversation. This social awkwardness can be exacerbated by screen time and is not going to help our kids in the future.
• Unrestricted computer and smartphone access can be particularly harmful. There is so much garbage on the net and chances are lots of your children's online friends will share lots of crap with your kids that they think is "funny."
• Unrestricted smartphone and tablet access has resulted in children (and adults!) having addiction-type behavior. They can't seem to function without regular access to it.
• Because of how we limit screen time, it feels more like a treat for our kids rather than the norm. This means that it can be used as reward and actually feel special.
• Because we limit the screen, it often becomes entertainment we engage in together. We have family movie night and it actually feels special, we enjoy certain shows together (Cosby show is a favorite) and even video games become something often done together.
• We're fairly strict when it comes to tv and movie content - probably more than most. But I figure that as they grow up and have more freedom, they'll often be choosing those types of movies anyways. Restricting violent movies does not fall under the definition of depriving your children.
• Aim at making memories with and for your children. While I have a few good memories involving games or movies from my childhood, it was always because of the people I was with, not the content of the game/movie. Aim at making memories.

Whatever you decide about screen time, be intentional and stick to the plan —Tweet That!

I want to stress that we're not anti-screen - there are good things they can learn from videos and games. But make-belief play and outdoor play is always better. Some may think we're too restrictive. Whatever you decide about screen time, be intentional and stick to the plan. We talk openly with our kids and they understand the reasons, and they have begun to own the reasons for themselves. They can articulate why we do this as a family.

You may come to a totally different decision than we did - but as parents it is a decision you need to make for your family.

Photo Credit: The UMF via photopin cc